Navigating grief during the holidays
Photo: Cathal Mac an Bheatha | Unsplash
By Kristen A. Schmitt
The loss of a loved one is difficult, but during the holiday season, it can prove to be even harder. Whether you’ve lost a family member, friend, co-worker or beloved pet, watching others celebrating or giving thanks can be overwhelming when you’re experiencing sadness, loneliness or pain.
It’s important to acknowledge what you are feeling and it’s important to acknowledge that the holidays are hard, especially the first ones following a loved one’s death. But there are some ways to cope with your grief during Christmas, Chanukah, Ramadan, Kwanza and New Year’s Day.
Set realistic expectations.
Grief affects everyone differently and, during the holidays, you might feel obligated to participate in every activity or event even if they have the potential to increase your pain. However, you get to choose how much you do, according to the Hospice Foundation of America (HFA). Decide what activities you want to attend – and for how long. Establishing boundaries and retaining your freedom to choose what you participate in can help alleviate some of the stress.
Make a game plan.
Try to plan activities that bring comfort instead of anxiety so you have something to look forward to. According to AARP, you don’t have to give up familiar traditions because they can still bring comfort, even if you have to adapt them a little bit for this year’s circumstances. Planning ahead for your events, activities and gatherings can limit how overwhelmed you might feel while also allowing others to know what you plan to do (and not do) during this holiday season.
Create new traditions.
Honor the person who has passed by creating a new tradition that honors them in a way specific and special to them. Consider cooking a special recipe, lighting a candle in tribute, or even singing your loved one’s favorite songs. According to Psychology Today, these activities allow you to honor their memory in meaningful ways.
Give time or support to someone else.
While it’s easy to dwell on the negative energy or difficult feelings during the grieving process, channeling positivity by volunteering your time and talents can actually help you feel better. Consider volunteering for a charity or cause that relates to the person you lost, like a cancer organization, a nursing home or, even, a suicide hotline, suggests AARP. Another way to give back and honor your loved one is to make a donation to a local hospital or spend time serving others in a food pantry. Broadening your focus while helping others can give you a mental health boost and help change your perspective.
Here are some other resources that may help you as you navigate the holiday season whether you are grieving or supporting someone who is.
It takes time to heal and, even years later, the holidays can still be a sad time for those who miss a loved one who has passed away. The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) offers a few ways to manage your mental health during the holiday season.
Practice the three Cs of coping with grief, according to HFA: choose, communicate and compromise. Choose what you want to do. Communicate that with family and friends. And leave space for compromise.
Losing a child can be traumatic to everyone who knew them; parents, grandparents, siblings and other close family and friends. Being respectful of everyone’s grieving needs and establishing boundaries are a couple of suggestions outlined in this recent Washington Post article.
Call to Mind wishes everyone a safe and healthy holiday season.